Wednesday's Joke of the Day

WHY DID THE CHICKEN CROSS THE ROAD?

John Adams:

The crossing of the road is so bold, so daring, so firm intrepid and inflexible and it must have so important consequences, and so lasting, that I can't but consider it an epoch in history.

Neil Armstrong:

(1) One small step for chickenkind, one giant leap for poultry.

(2) It was one big step for poultry.

Clara Barton:

I distinctly remember forgetting that.

Lizzie Borden:

I'm just a little girl and an orphan. How could I know a chicken with its head chopped off could still run.

Captain Caldwell:

He was a Blue Hen's Chicken and raring for a fight.

Andrew Comstock:

It is shocking for a chicken to cross showing its breast without dressing. He who stops to observe the chicken will be damned to spend eternity in Hell.

Thomas E. Dewey:

It was time for a change.

Frederick Douglass:

Those who profess to favor freedom, and yet depreciate agitation, are like chicken who want the roar of the road without the roar of its many lanes of traffic.

Wyatt Earp:

Well, chicken, are you gonna do something, or just stand there and bleed?

Benjamin Franklin:

Early to cross, early to lay, makes a hen healthy with more time to play...

Nathan Hale:

He regrets that he has only one road to cross for his flock

William Harrison Hays:

A hen and rooster may be seen together only if they are on opposite sides of the road. A chicken shall never be shown crossing the road if another chicken is present.

Patrick Henry:

For liberty or death.

J. Edgar Hoover:

(1)Our investigation reveals his Red contact had left a drop for him there.

(2) This is the Federal Bureau of Investigation and I won't tolerate any chickens crossing the road without my knowledge. I have files on all of the chickens that have ever crossed the road. In fact, I have files on all chickens who have even thought of crossing the road. Rest assured, we will find out exactly which chicken crossed the road. The problem is those darn Kennedys. They just want to be popular with the chickens so they've been helping them cross the road. But, I have files on their involvement with the chickens, too.

Thomas Jefferson:

(1)In the course of avian events, all chickens are created equal, and have the inalienable right of freedom to travel as they desire.

(2) For life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.

(3) All hens are endowed by Nature and Nature's God with the right to life, liberty and the pursuit of the other side.

(4) When in the Course of chicken events, it becomes necessary for one people of chicken to cross the road which have connected them with another, and to assume among the powers of the earth, the separate and equal station to which the Laws of Nature and of Nature's God entitle them, a decent respect to the opinion of chickenkind requires that they should declare the cause which impel them to the crossing.

Lyndon Baines Johnson:

"Ah have known many chickens in mah time. Some as friends, some as opponents, still others as dinner. Many chickens in our great society have tried to cross the road. Some have been successful. Others have been struck down by beer trucks in the prime of pullethood. Therefore I, as your president, ask the American people to rededicate themselves tonight to the struggles of chickens everywhere. They have begun their humble journeys across the road. Let them continyah."

John Paul Jones:

It has not yet begun to cross!

John F. Kennedy:

(1) The journey of a thousand miles starts with the first road crossing.

(2) "All of us who have crossed the roads of our lives understand the dangers of destination and the formidable burdens of flightless fowl. So let every chicken know, whether it crosses slowly or quickly, that this administration supports the struggles of chickens everywhere, and we will not be content until every hen is the master of its own house. We all have roads before us, and so each of us, in our own way, is really chicken. And so I say to the chickens of the world, 'Ich bin ein chickie-birden.'"

(3)The chicken chose to cross the road in this decade not because it was easy, but because it was hard.

(4) Because that's where the power is.

(5) Let us never cross out of fear, but let us never fear to cross.

(6) Ask not what the crossing will do for you - ask what you can do for the crossing.

(7) And the chicken said, "Ich bin ein Berliner."

Senator Edward Moore "Teddy" Kennedy:

It panicked.

Martin Luther King:

(1) It had a dream.

(2) I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question.

Timothy Leary:

Because that's the only kind of trip the Establishment would let it take.

Legion of Decency:

Teaching about chickens should be left exclusively to the home and the church. It is a mortal sin to ask this question anywhere else.

Abraham Lincoln:

(1) We highly resolve that this chicken shall have not crossed in vain, but that this nation, under God, shall have shall have a new freedom and this nation shall not perish from the earth.

(2)Four score and seven eggs ago, our forefeathers. . . .

(3) We cannot dedicate - we cannot consecrate - we cannot hallow - this road. The brave chickens, living and dead, who crossed here have consecrated it, far above our poor power to add or detract.

Douglas MacArthur:

(1) He promised to return.

(2) Old chickens never die, they just cross the road.

Cotton Mather:

She is a witch in league with the devil, who must be Bar-B-Qued on the stake.

Senator Joseph McCarthy:

(1) He was a Rhode Island Red conspiring against the U. S. of A.

(2) Why, that's the most unheard-of thing I've ever heard of.

Carrie Nation:

To do the work of the lord and fight the evils of the demon rum.

Richard M. Nixon:

(1) The chicken did not cross the road. I repeat, the chicken did not cross the road.

(2) That part of our conversation was accidentally erased.

(3) That chicken was not a crook.

(4) It was not a chicken. It was my dog,

Annie Oakley:

She was doin' what comes naturally.

Thomas Paine:

(1) Out of common sense.

(2) These are the times that fry chicken claws.

Gen. George S. Patton Jr.:

(1)To get those yellow bellied chickens outta here.

(2) The way to win a war is not to cross a road for you country. The way to win a war is to make some other poor chicken cross a road for his country!

(3) Thirty years from now, when you're sitting around the fireplace with your grandson on your knee and he asks you what you did while the chicken was crossing the road, you won't have to say, "Well... I shoveled chicken s… in Louisiana."

Ronald Reagan:

(1) Well, I forgot.

(2) What cat?

(3) If you've seen one chicken, you've seen them all.

(4). I don't recall. What was the question?

(5) Ask Nancy. I forget.

(6) What Chicken?

Franklin D. Roosevelt:

(1) I pledge the chicken - I pledge myself - to a new deal for the American road crossing.

(2) Let me assert my firm belief that the only thing the chicken have to fear on the road is fear itself.

Theodore Roosevelt:

(1) Bravery is the highest virtue.

(2) Far better for a chicken to dare to cross the road, even though crushed by a passing vehicle, than to take rank with those poor spirits who neither enjoy much nor suffer much, because they live in the gray twilight that knows not victory nor defeat."

(3) The first requisite of a good chicken in this Republic of ours is that he shall be able and willing to cross the road.

Will Rogers, Jr.:

(1) All I know is what I read in the papers.

(2) I never met a chicken I didn't like,

(3) If he wishes to cross, it is his right to do so.

General Phillip Sheridan:

The only good chicken is a fried chicken.

Harry S. Truman:

She couldn't stand the heat in the kitchen.

Booker T. Washington:

To cast down its bucket where it was.

George Washington:

(1) We used chickens to sniff out British sympathizers. We called the operation "chicken cacciatore".

(2) Actually it crossed the Delaware with me back in 1776. But most history books don’t reveal that I bunked with a birdie during the duration.

(3) I cannot tell a lie. I was going to chop it with my little axe, so it crossed the road.

Malcolm X:

Because it would get across that road by any means necessary.