1) Tech Support: "I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop."

Customer: "Ok."

Tech Support: "Did you get a pop-up menu?" 

Customer: "No."

Tech Support: "Ok. Right click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?"

Customer: "No."

Tech Support: "Ok, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this point?"

Customer: "Sure, you told me to write 'click' and I wrote 'click'."

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2) Customer: "I received the software update you sent, but I am still getting the same error message."

Tech: "Did you install the update?"

Customer: "No. Oh, am I supposed to install it to get it to work?" 

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3)Customer: "I'm having trouble installing Microsoft Word."

Tech: "Tell me what you've done."

Customer: "I typed 'A: SETUP'."

Tech: "Ma'am, remove the disk and tell me what it says."

Customer: "It says '[PC manufacturer] Restore and Recovery disk'."

Tech: "Insert the MS Word setup disk."

Customer: "What?"

Tech: "Did you buy MS word?"

Customer: "No..."

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4) Customer: "Do I need a computer to use your software?"

Tech: ?!%#$ (pretend to smile)

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5) Tech: "Ok, in the bottom left hand side of the screen, can you see the 'OK' button displayed?"

Customer: "Wow. How can you see my screen from there?"

Tech: ##### ***

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6) Tech: "What type of computer do you have?"

Customer: "A white one."

Tech: ******_____# ###

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7) Tech: "What operating system are you running?"

Customer: "Pentium."

Tech: ////-----+++

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8). Customer: "My computer's telling me I performed an illegal abortion."

Tech: ??????

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9).Customer: "I have Microsoft Exploder."

Tech: ?!%#$

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10).Customer: "How do I print my voicemail?"

Tech: ??????

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11). Customer: "You've got to fix my computer. I urgently need to print a document, but the computer won't boot properly."

Tech: "What does it say?"

Customer: "Something about an error and non-system disk."

Tech: "Look at your machine. Is there a floppy inside?"

Customer: "No, but there's a sticker saying there's an Intel inside."

Tech: @@@@@

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12). Tech: "Just call us back if there's a problem. We're open 24 hours."

Customer: "Is that Eastern time?"

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13). Tech: "What does the screen say now?"

Customer: "It says, 'Hit ENTER when ready'."

Tech: "Well?"

Customer: "How do I know when it's ready?"

Tech: *** ---- ++++